To Speak or Not To Speak?

“And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great” (Job 2:13).

No doubt one of the hardest lessons for us to learn is when to speak and when not to speak. Each of us has learned from situations when we said something we should not have said, or when we have not said something we should have. For me, it’s always a challenge to know the right words to say when someone is struggling with the hard things of life. That’s when what we read about Job’s friends is instructive to us. Let me explain.

By the time we are at the end of the second chapter of Job, he has learned of the death of his sons and daughters. He has also lost most of his livestock and the majority of his servants. And if that’s not enough, he’s been struck with “loathsome sores from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head.”  I’d say Job is in a world of hurt as a result of his circumstances. Oh, and if that’s not enough, in Job 2:9 we read, “Then his wife said to him, ‘Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die’ ” (not the best thing to say to someone in utter anguish, would you agree?).

Now what lessons might we learn from what was said and what was not said to Job? Well, as I’ve considered the entirety of Job’s story and the many things that were said to him, I’ve come to several conclusions.

First, calamity comes apart from anything done by the one experiencing it. Job was an upright man. He walked closely with the Lord, yet he knew great anguish, loss and suffering. Later in the book, his friends suggested that what he was experiencing was his fault, due to his sin or pride or something. That’s clearly not the right thing to say. Later, in response to their semi-accusations, Job told them to “mock on.” In essence, he’s telling them that suggesting that what he’s experiencing is his fault is the same as mocking his pain. How unfair!

Second, in the midst of such pain, the only things worth saying are things that come from the heart of God. Nothing provides the comfort needed by those in pain more than words of scripture.

Then finally, there is nothing wrong with silence. There are situations when no words are suitable or needed. Initially, Job’s friends sat with him in silence for an entire week. Have you ever just sat alongside someone who was in extreme pain and suffering? In such instances the presence of another person in far more comforting than the words that might be spoken. 

Friends, you and I will likely have an opportunity to be used by God in the life of someone in pain in the year ahead. There are things not to say, just as there are things to say. But perhaps best of all may be to sit in silence as we bring solace to those who are suffering.